Gramma's Revenge

If you are a parent of any child over the age of 1, I guarantee you have experienced at least one of the numbers on this list. I just got to thinking today, and I decided that this will be one of those blogs that someday, far away from now, when my children and I are sitting around the dinner table and they ask me if I would be happier in a "Senior Development Center" instead of living with them I will happily pull out the printed copy I keep in my pocket, lovingly smile, and show it to them.

Then I will throw my plate on the floor.

Which brings me to...

1. Throwing Food.

Kindle had a great time at breakfast this morning. I set her required Abby Cadabby bowl filled with a very little amount of milk and a very little amount of cereal in front of her, and half awake I shuffled back to the kitchen. Her reply to this was to look at me through the bar window, say "MMM!" with a great big smile, and then proceed to dump the entirety of the bowl's contents onto the table; followed by waving her hand through it repeatedly like a windshield wiper on full speed.

I couldn't get my eye to stop twitching for 20 minutes. Dry cereal and sippy cups only for Kindle from now on - until she's 10.

2. Climbing.

Any of you non-believers of the theory of evolution need to come watch my children for an hour or two. The first time you see Kindle (all 15 months of her) magically appear on top of the dining room table in seconds you may rethink that. Her dexterity and monkey power combined with her sister's powers of distraction are no match for the Mommy eyes in the back of my head. The best part? They literally laugh at my frustration of repeatedly removing them from the high places despite my repetitious, "It's NOT funny. This is NOT ok." We'll see how funny it is when Gramma is on the roof again.

HA. HA.

3. Dawdling.

These girls run all day, never slowing down. They will run circles around you until you think you are about to collapse - no sugar required. That is, until you're in a hurry. Then suddenly their innocent wonder awakens and everything in sight requires meticulous and prolonged examination. Everything. Ever seen a 2 year old act as if they'd never seen their own hands before? Even if they have seen it 100 times, it's like shiny and new again simply because "Mommy is in a hurry." Try and hurry them however, particularly in a public place, and it's as if screaming banshees have taken over their little bodies amidst an exorcism.

However, I do think that this will appear much more embarassing when a 75 year old woman dramatically throws herself on the tiles in a random aisle of the grocery store, so this one might be worth it in the long run.

4. Little "Eccentricities".

Ok, so the kids are just freaking weird, but it sounds nicer that way. Seriously though, some of their behaviors are just baffling.
"Noooo, don't drink the bath water. Yuck!"
"Food goes in your mouth, it's for your belly, not for putting in your hair..."
"Get that out of your nose!"
"What did you just swallow?!"
"Where is your diaper!?"
Just moments ago: "Where did you get a candy cane? Out of the trash!?" "Yah. ::chomp chomp::" "Ah no! We don't eat food out of the trash. Gross!"

The best one so far? When Aidy walked up behind me yesterday as I sat at the dinner table and began playing with my hair. She then proceeded to say something along the lines of, "Good scissors. So pretty. Mommy haircut."

Daddy thought my reaction to that was ohsofunny.

Again... imagine how fun all this will be to repay in 45 years. All of the above situations apply.

5. The Constant Talking.

Not so much the little one, but the 2 1/2 year old is gabbing from (before) sun up until (after) sun down. It's especially annoying when the little one manages to sleep through her sister's awakening and creeping down the hall to my room, sneaking in the door, and standing with her nose 2 inches from my face. As soon as my eyes unwillingly crack open, "HI MOMMY! Go downstairs!? Blah blah blah blah blah!" At full volume. Of course.

"Aidy! Be quiet! Kinny is sleeping!"
"YAH! KINNY SLEEPING!"
"Shhh!"
"YAH! GO DOWNSTAIRS MOM!? AIDY WANTS CHOCOMILK???"
"Aidynn, yes, ok, downstairs! Now, please. be. quiet.! You're going to wake up your sister!"
"HAVE CHOCOMILK MOM!? GO DOWNSTAIRS?"

Aaaaaaaand from the other room you hear: "Mommy? Hiieeeee!"

Gramma might not be able to talk as much as a 2 year old, but I'm sure that I can buy a stereo system with enough decibels to play music from my generation at all hours to keep up with the best of 'em. Lord knows there's some terrible music so far in this generation.

I'm open to suggestions for the beginning of a playlist. : )

My Castle Now

Momma Notes:

There are 2 sick little girls in this house right now. Runny noses, fevers, coughs, and oh yes, the crankiness.

Yesterday, I was attempting to console Kindle who was in another of her "I don't feel good, and nothing will appease me mode." She wanted to be held, but didn't; wanted to be rocked, but didn't. After reaching my maximum tolerance I set her down and told her, "Walk away Kinny. You need to go find something else to do and leave me alone."

As she began walking away, Aidynn walked up to her and said sternly:

"Yah! Go away Kinny. This is MY castle now!"

Where the heck did she learn THAT!?

Daily in the Stevens' house...

Beware the Ninja

Today Daddy, Mommy, Kinny, and I (Aidy) went to Chili's for lunch.

Mommy ordered a side of pickles to go with her cheeseburger, and when she wasn't looking I swiped them one at a time. When I got to the last pickle she caught me, smiled, and said "Heeeey! Ninja!"

My simple response was a Cheshire grin and a "Mmmm! Pickle Ninja!"

Marriage for Dummies

Now first of all, I feel the need to emphasize that I am in no way saying that I have all the answers. I know what works for my marriage, I know what didn't work for my first marriage, and I know that my husband and I are the happiest couple I've ever known. So this is just my 2 cents, don't get your panties in a knot if you think I'm talking about you.

* * * * * * * * * *

Marriage for Dummies: Because we all plan on forever.

I'm debunking the myths. Ready? READ ON!

1) All the little "Surprises" are super cute.

Yeah... that fades. Enjoy that twitterpation while it lasts. As I am someone with more 'traditional' views on marriage, most people are surprised to hear my belief in, "Live together first." I don't see how you can truly know someone if you don't. The little things, those cute little habits that at first are so seemingly charming - can drive you absolutely batty. My husband squeezes the toothpaste from the center of the tube. He also snores. I leave my clothes scattered all over my bedroom and can leave them strewn about for days. I also don't 'do' windows - I refuse. (I say it helps protect the birds...) Even after being friends for 18 years before we got married we didn't know these things about each other. These quirks of ours aren't detrimental to the daily happiness of the household, but at least we were aware of them before the vows - just in case they would have been.

2) Kiss your Free time/Freedom/Hobbies goodbye.

Uhm... No. If you do or have, most likely you or your significant other have not only fallen in love, but fallen also into co-dependence. What we choose to do with our free time speaks volumes about our individual personalities and character. If you give up what makes you happy before marriage, you're only beginning a downward spiral into disappointment. It's a subconscious sacrifice I see a lot of couples make, believing that it will help to make their relationship stronger by placing their partner first. Counterproductive really, because all it accomplishes is the creation of a huge amount of bitterness and resentment. Unless your hobbies include strip clubbing, cross dressing, or clown performances. In which case I refer you back to paragraph 1.

3) Your life won't change and neither will YOU.

To think that you will be the same person in 5 years that you are today is absolutely absurd. If you really do believe that, please refer to my upcoming blog:

Sterilization: Is it right for me?

We, as humans, are constantly learning, becoming, and evolving. It's a good thing - especially when you get to share that evolution with the one you love. Even if your pre-marriage friends tend to disagree. With marriage comes a certain level of responsibility; especially if you and your sweetie plan on having kids, buying a house, or maintaining a house plant. Responsibility is pressure, and everything changes under pressure. Your relationships with your "single" friends may fade a bit, it happens and it's sad. Setting and meeting goals by working with your better half however, is an indescribable joy.

4) Dating is better than getting married.

Of course it is. If you are one of those folks who thrives on drama and head games, and isn't worried about spending the rest of your life alone. Must possess high tolerance for individuals with mental disorders and a desire to spend long evenings listening to mass amounts of talk without substance. Also possess a sizable income as the dating scene is effing expensive. Also should enjoy gambling for and with sexually transmitted diseases.

Or you could find a nice guy/gal and settle down. Whichever.

5) Most married people cheat on their spouses.

Do married folks cheat more often? Or is the standard for what makes it so offensive lowered without the existence of nuptials? First of all, cheaters.. well... they cheat. As inexcusable as that may be, there is always a reason. "He never paid any attention to me.", "She made me feel more like a man than my wife did.", "I was drunk." .... whatever. Others, well, they have no reason outside of their own lack of resolve. Generally these people can be identified by asking the question, "Why did you do it?" and receiving the response: "I don't know." If you are in this relationship read this carefully aloud:

"I am an amazing, strong, and beautiful individual and I deserve more respect in a relationship than I am currently receiving. I deserve better."

Repeat 3 times and then dump them on their trifling and undeserving ass.

The simple rule for preventing the wandering eye?: Keep it in your own yard. Here's a simple equation for you to follow:

Play + Communication + SEX + SEX + SEX = + .

There's no question of whether the grass is greener on the other side if your man (or your lady) is focused on you dressed up as their hot gardener who is playing with the garden hose.

Thirsty?

6) Having kids will RUIN your life!

BWAHAHAAAAA! :ahem:

If you believe this, please don't have them. Kids are most definitely life-altering, but it's a positive alteration. Ruin your life? HA! Just the opposite: Kids will enrich your life! Sure, it's a bit intimidating knowing that you are going to be responsible for the life of a person for the next 18-40 years. Years in which you will lose sanity, sleep, hair, and lots and lots of money, but there isn't a single millisecond with the little stinkers that you would trade for your old life back. Also, maintaining a semblance of the life you knew before isn't impossible. Difficult, but with a bit of planning and preconditioning you can find time in the midst of the chaos known as parenthood for yourself. It's so important to do. When you watch their sleeping faces before you head off to bed, you will realize that your kids ARE your life, but they don't control it - and shh, you wouldn't miss this part for anything.

Your spouse in all this? They're your battle buddy.

7) Your honeypie didn't have a life before you.

Do you hear that tapping? That's the sound of a whole closet of skeletons just waiting to stampede their way out and into your life. Everyone has a past, and everyone has ghosts of the past that linger..... and some could potentially make Wes Craven scream like a little girl.

What? Of course I am speaking from personal experience. :laughs:

Previous marriages and romantic relationships rank high on the 'potential for conflict' list. Does your future ball and chain have an amicable relationship with these people? Does she have an ex-boyfriend who is a bit over-protective and collects knives and firearms? Does he have an ex-wife who believes she has staked some kind of claim on him? Crazy doesn't just go away because you want it to. It has a way of sticking around long after the relationships end, so before you jump on into that honeymoon make sure you know that HER exes become YOUR exes (and vice-versa). This is life's karma for number 4. Haha Suckas!!

8) Money grows on trees.

It's entirely possible that when two people marry, their standard of living will need a little.... revision.

:stares at the bachelors in the reading audience:

One or both of you may need to enhance your money making abilities by returning to school, relocating for a better job, or increasing work hours to make ends meet this new standard. This puts your relationship on the back burner and it's incredibly hard to handle. It's called sacrifice. It will suck in the short term, but if you remember that it's a result of determination and love for the future of your coupledom it helps with the frustration. You will live through it. This is coming from someone who survived 9 months when her husband left her and their 7 month old to join the Army while she stayed behind and worked full time.... and carried a pregnancy to 41 weeks 5 days and then gave birth - without him there. Sacrifices for family are always worth it as long as you remember: You're in it together.

Forever.

* * * * * * * * * *

This blog made it to #2! in the Life category.

Conundrums and a Possible Addiction....

Yesterday I had one of those baffling moments in life, where things just don't make sense. Those moments that make one question ones intelligence level because one thought one had it all figured out. Well, this one apparently doesn't thanks to recent events. I am mentally exhausted. Probably has something to do with the 6 month old that is constantly attached to me - OR ELSE.

Actually, here she was mad because I wouldn't let her eat the grass... but you get the point, yah? She REALLY loves her Mommy, and really has to see/smell/hear/touch me every.second.of.the.day. and makes the face above if she can't. :((

Back to my original topic: My booty got bigger, but stayed the same size. (Catchy isn't it?)

Yeah. Makes sense huh?

I ordered 3 pairs of Seven jeans online. When they arrived on Friday I was ecstatic. Finally! The first new pairs of real jeans that I have purchased in the last 3 years. Without a maternity waistband! Look! Real buttons!

I anxiously pulled them up around my thighs and over my hips and then...

What the... OH C R A P !

And not just a little pinch. We're talking these puppies would't close without some serious muffin toppage. I finally had to face the inevitable. The moment I had been avoiding since 2 weeks after Kindle was born....

I held my breath and stepped onto the scale.......

In 6 months....

I've gained....



1 lb.

I tried again. Step off, step on.... 1 lb. Replace the battery... 1 lb. HUH? I think I see a pattern.

Check the size on the pants label again.... nope, that's right.

One of them has to be lying.

WTH? Do you see where my confusion comes in?

5 years ago I weighed in at a not-so-pleasant number over 200 lbs. Then I worked my ass off (literally) and lost 47 of it. Fast forward through 2 pregnancies and I gained 5 lbs each pregnancy, and then this mystery pound comes in, plus breastfeeding..... *mumble* divide by 4... carry the 1..... (how many of you are doing the math? haha) ...*mumble mumble* ..... and my head hurts. How could this one teesie weensie pound make a whole big pant size of a difference? I think I have it figured out...

See it? SEE IT!? Neither do I but the pie chart was fun to make... mmm pie.... but really, can anyone else figure this out for me?

I'll get back to you on that. In the meantime, the hubs and I are spring cleaning our cupboards. Time to cut out the sugars and "bad" carbs that have sneaked into our house. I have been looking into gym memberships and think I found the perfect place for us, which is a brand new step for me. (I hope that none of my friends have just fallen over dead after reading that sentence.)

I've never been a thin woman, and I don't aspire to ever be a size 6. At 5'10" and blessed (ahem) with cups that runneth over, I've joked that I am more like an Amazon for as long as I can recall. But kidding aside, I need to be healthier for my girls, and I need to be stronger for myself. I have a back injury that will just keep getting worse if I don't prevent it from doing so. It helps so much to have such a supportive man who is also taking the initiative to be healthier for his family. Yet again, he's my rock.

By my 30th birthday in August, I will be healthier and stronger, and as a result - I'll need to buy new jeans again.

That scale is going down!

...after one last trip to Coldstone.... I think I might be addicted to Mud Pie Mojo....

Just For Laughs

This one is for everyone who
a) has kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) knows a kid
e) is going to have kids

I was packing for my business trip and my 3-year old daughter was
having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,
"Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny
fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her
fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She sadly replied, "What happened to my booger?"

*****

The Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation
that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation ..... no
one wanted him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and
proclaims .... 'If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new
Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their
children!'

The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful
entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, 'If the Preacher will stay on
here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to
guarantee the college education of all his children!'

More sighs and loud applause. Gloria Dingfelder, now age 88, stands and
announces with a smile, 'If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!'

There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her, 'Mrs.Dingfelder,
whatever possessed you to say that? '

Gloria's 90 year old husband, Ron, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side.
his wife smiles broadly and replies,"Well, I just asked my husband how we
could help, and he said, "Screw the preacher".

Isn't senility wonderful?

*****

Can you solve this puzzle?
You are riding on a beautiful white horse.
On your left side is a drop off.
On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.
In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way
and you can't seem to overtake them.
Behind you is a stampede of horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star.


*Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.*

*****

Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. he turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and, almost too late, realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. he swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.
Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks, "What on Earth were you doing?"
Paddy tells him the story of the trees in the road. The officer stops him mid sentence and says,

"Fer the love of God, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"

*****

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across
his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your
car?"

Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

*****

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The children began to say:

"Red............cherry,"

"Yellow.........lemon,"

"Green.........lime,"

"Orange..........orange."

Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue; it's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled:

"Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!"

40 weeks!? Get back on your pedestal!!

"She's so adorable!" exclaimed the checkout clerk about Aidy on Saturday while we finished up our grocery shopping. "How old is she?" "Aww, Thanks! She's 14 months" I replied with a smile "Oh! And it looks like you're expecting another little one! When are you due?" "Yesterday." The look of distress and concern that came across her face in mere seconds was amazing. Like she was going to have a heart attack. "Oh my! How are you feeling!? Do you think it will be soon??" "I feel great, but I don't know if it will be soon. I'll let you know if anything progresses in the next 5 minutes." *chuckles*

**

This seems to be the normal reaction I am getting - since around 38 weeks along in my pregnancy. I never thought about it before I became pregnant with my first daughter, but why does it seem so odd to people that a woman who is 40 weeks pregnant is happy and comfortable and not complaining about "still" being pregnant? What is so odd about seeing a very pregnant woman grocery shopping and running errands and routine household things? I'm not handicapped, I'm pregnant. I'm healthy. I'm active.

No really. I am not bragging on myself. All of those things are normal for pregnancy - not what people seem to believe.

Sure there are some who suffer from morning sickness and other such symptoms as soon as they even think they may be nurturing something the size of a sea monkey, and must then be catered to and nothing expected of them for the next 10 months (or longer).

I'm just not one of those women.

In fact, unless she is in distress or getting too large for a natural childbirth I have no plans to be induced into labor. Babies have been born naturally for how long without modern medicine? She will let us know when she is ready. I trust her and I trust my body.

I enjoy being pregnant. So much in fact that I am giving serious consideration to being a surrogate mother after my husband and I finish having our children. I've been through the heartache of infertility and being told I would never have my babies, and if I can help alleviate that kind of pain for another person why shouldn't I?

The topic is interesting to think about though. When did all of this pregnancy fuss begin? If it were a fuss of concern for the mother's well being I could see the sympathy and compassion in humanity, and view it as chivalrous, but it's not about chivalry.

Kindness and compassion are my beautiful friends who continually send me positive thoughts and love just to make sure that I am alright and feeling well. I think some of you are just as excited and anxious to see Miss Kindle as I am! *chuckles* (Which I am very happy about and appreciate immensely by the way. )

It seems more like people (Americans?) have been brainwashed to believe that pregnant women are these fragile creatures that should be placed on a pedestal and not allowed or expected to do anything for those 10 months and almost..... discriminated against?

Have American women milked their pregnant conditions and manipulated others for sympathy?

Or is it more a matter of people fearing what they do not understand?

All of you Momma's reading - please share some of your pregnancy experiences with situations like these. I'd love to know what you think.

(**Note: I am still pregnant. Nothing happened in that 5 minutes.... or the last.... and I would be willing to bet... the next 5. )

Watch the Squirrel...

As some of you know, my daughter Aidynn is a very clever girl.

Yesterday she brought me one of her little stuffies - a squirrel. This squirrel has a twin. I don't know how I acquired them, but she loves them.

Me: What's that Aidynn? A Squirrel?? Where's the other Squirrel?
Aidynn: Watch. Watch.
Me: Watch? Watch what?
Aidynn: Watch.
Me: *blank stare*
Aidynn: *blank stare*

Obviously there is a bit of a language barrier here.... aside from the fact that she had never said the word "watch" before. I had no idea what she was talking about.

Just a few moments ago I decided to take a break from packing after I finished sorting and hanging the last bag of laundry. (Yes, I send my clothes out to be laundered - shhh.) At the bottom of the bag, I find this....

Thinking to myself... "How in the heck did the squirrel get into the wash... ???"

"!!!"

NOT WATCH - WASH!!


Apparently my daughter decided that the squirrel needed a wash and sent him to the cleaners.

I know my kid is intelligent, especially for a 13 month old, but sometimes... I am a bit intimidated by how much I underestimate her.

Dreams

I have often thought about my dreams, I can remember nearly every dream I have come the morning. In my past dreams I have been as fearful, as joyful, as devastated, and as impartial as I have ever been in waking life. I've always been fascinated by those that claim that they "dream in color", because I don't know what that means.

- I know that I dream.

- I know that things in my dreams have colors (doesn't everything in life?).

- Does that mean I dream in color??

I came to conclusion long ago that I dream through my heart. I dream in emotion. Everything that happens in my life, if it has any significant emotion attached to it, that emotion comes through to me in my dreams - whether I try to ignore it or not.

I don't dream often. In fact, before I became pregnant with my first child, I would have said I dreamt maybe once a month - if even that.

Everything changes with pregnancy. Especially dreams. Being pregnant the majority of the last 2 years I am a perfect example of someone who knows. I have visited planes of insanity that I am sure not even the most prestigious psychiatrist would want to hear of.

It's amazing the simultaneous clarity and delusion that hormones can bring. What I dream now is so different - and so much more frequent - than what I had dreamed before.

Just today I was telling my coworker about a dream I had when I was about 7 months pregnant with my first daughter......

I was sitting in a room by myself, happily talking to my very pregnant belly, when a nice man walked up to me. He introduced himself. This man worked with animals in a zoo type environment.

I love animals!

He seemed like a nice man, so we began a conversation about nothing in particular.

A few visions later, I was walking into my house, and my husband was home sitting on the sofa. I was no longer pregnant! My husband seemed very surprised to see this, but he was even more surprised to see that I was carrying in my arms a chimpanzee!

"Honey, where is our baby??" he asked me.
"OH! I traded her for this monkey! From a very nice man. You would like him." was my response.
"You traded our baby for a monkey!?!?"
"Well...." I said, "I figured that we could always have another baby... but how many opportunities were we going to get to have a monkey!?"

**See note.


Now, before anyone begins throwing stones (or anything else more suiting with the dream), let me state here that I would never, NEVER, in waking life have considered trading my unborn (or born) child for a monkey..... although I do tell her sometimes, in jest, that I will trade her for one if she doesn't behave!

She's just turned 1. She doesn't care. In fact, she calls her stuffed monkey Daddy. I chuckle every time I correct her.... maybe that's why she keeps doing it.

After the dream I awoke very amused by my own minds creativity, and shared my amusement with my husband. He looked at me incredulously. I believe at the time he was attempting to determine if I could possibly, actually, realistically do something like that.

Thankfully he came to the (coerced) conclusion that I would not. Pft.

So, even though dreams come more frequently, they have so much less substance to them. Before, I could analyze and relate each dream I had to a situation in my life.

When I am pregnant, however, the only conclusion I can draw... is that I really really really want a monkey.

**Even now I nag myself that a chimpanzee is not a monkey, so please spare me the reprimands. I cannot control my subconscious mind. I consider that to be a good thing.

Random

This reminds me of my Duane.....

Oh how I laughed...

I found this joke posted in one of my groups on Cafe Mom today and I HAD to share.

It made me laugh. Fortunately I do NOT have this kind of husband, but the Batman reference certainly added to the humor of it for me!

Married Life

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men....that night all three decided to wear a leather bodice (S&M style), stilettos, and masks over their eyes .

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you, then we made love all night long.'

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! That night we met in his office I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night.'

The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night and I got myself ready; leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'

Dude, Where's My Car?

At about 10 pm last night my friend Lesa gets home. I am still (mostly) awake.... because Aidynn decided she didn't want to sleep. So I am laying on the couch.

"Oh hi! I didn't see your car. Where did you park?"

"Uhm.. in my space."

"Uhh.. noooo. Your car isn't there."

"Yes it is..."

"Uhh, noo... really."

"What?..... Are you kidding me?"

So I get my shoes on, finally find my keys (I forgot where I put them), and go downstairs to figure out what the hell is going on.

Sure enough. My car is not in it's parking space.

"What the hell!? Where is my car?!"

I just stared, and went over in my mind... I know it was here... I drove it here... as I retraced my steps through the afternoon after I got off of work.

Before the panic attack ensues, I look down the lot. There, 4 spaces down. Is my car.

The apartment manager reassigned parking 3 weeks ago. I parked in my old spot without even noticing what I was doing.

I've been a little tired lately. I think I might be doing too much or pushing myself too hard. Remembering things like where I park my car - especially when I am not at HOME - are kinda important.

Dee Dee Dee

My Niece is Too Cute!

Copied from my sister's blog:

Ahhh, Christmas. . .

It is Christmas time (one of my favorite times of year) but simply forgotten most of the time is the whole reason behind Christmas which is why I find it very amusing that there are a lot of nonreligious people out there who still celebrate this holiday...... Lets not forget the Nativity.

Okay so that was all beside the point, but one of my many rants behind this season........ so little miss Dani--man kids are witty. She, being the little curious george she is was asking mommy about Christmas when we were putting presents under our beautiful Christmas tree. I was explaining to her that we celebrate Christmas because it is Jesus' birthday. So later that night, when I was snuggling her in for visions of sugar plums, she had alternate plans. Little miss thang is going through the whole fear of monsters. So after tucking her in this was the play by play conversation

Dani: Mommy I'm scared of monsters

Me: Well, sweetheart, you know who can help you ease your fear of monsters?

Dani: Who?
Me: Jesus can ease your fear of monsters.

Dani: Oh, okay......

So I tucked her in, kissed her head, exited her room and went to do something around the house..... a few seconds later at the top of her lungs I hear this.

Dani: "JESUS, HELP ME!!!! HELP ME JESUS!!! JEEEEEESSSSSSSUUSSS!!!! JESUS HELP ME!!!!

Me: Snickering in the other room, trying to regain my composure

So I go back to Dani's room

Me: Dani, why are you screaming?

Dani: Because Jesus isn't answering me!!!!!

Me: Well sweetheart, Jesus can hear you, but he wont talk back to you.

Dani: WELL, thats just RUUUUUDE!!!!

I was trying my hardest to not laugh. A few seconds later after explaining to her that monsters cant get to her if she is holding her pink teddy because big mean monsters are petrified of pink.......she says

Dani: Well, can we call Jesus on the PHONE?

Laughing Matters

Last night Duane and I were having a discussion about why Aidynn seems to be fussy sometimes before bedtime.

"I get cranky and fussy if I am overly tired too. If I don't get enough sleep, after a few days I get moody and nothing helps until I fall asleep." I said.

"Have you been getting enough sleep lately?" Duane replied