Gramma's Revenge

If you are a parent of any child over the age of 1, I guarantee you have experienced at least one of the numbers on this list. I just got to thinking today, and I decided that this will be one of those blogs that someday, far away from now, when my children and I are sitting around the dinner table and they ask me if I would be happier in a "Senior Development Center" instead of living with them I will happily pull out the printed copy I keep in my pocket, lovingly smile, and show it to them.

Then I will throw my plate on the floor.

Which brings me to...

1. Throwing Food.

Kindle had a great time at breakfast this morning. I set her required Abby Cadabby bowl filled with a very little amount of milk and a very little amount of cereal in front of her, and half awake I shuffled back to the kitchen. Her reply to this was to look at me through the bar window, say "MMM!" with a great big smile, and then proceed to dump the entirety of the bowl's contents onto the table; followed by waving her hand through it repeatedly like a windshield wiper on full speed.

I couldn't get my eye to stop twitching for 20 minutes. Dry cereal and sippy cups only for Kindle from now on - until she's 10.

2. Climbing.

Any of you non-believers of the theory of evolution need to come watch my children for an hour or two. The first time you see Kindle (all 15 months of her) magically appear on top of the dining room table in seconds you may rethink that. Her dexterity and monkey power combined with her sister's powers of distraction are no match for the Mommy eyes in the back of my head. The best part? They literally laugh at my frustration of repeatedly removing them from the high places despite my repetitious, "It's NOT funny. This is NOT ok." We'll see how funny it is when Gramma is on the roof again.

HA. HA.

3. Dawdling.

These girls run all day, never slowing down. They will run circles around you until you think you are about to collapse - no sugar required. That is, until you're in a hurry. Then suddenly their innocent wonder awakens and everything in sight requires meticulous and prolonged examination. Everything. Ever seen a 2 year old act as if they'd never seen their own hands before? Even if they have seen it 100 times, it's like shiny and new again simply because "Mommy is in a hurry." Try and hurry them however, particularly in a public place, and it's as if screaming banshees have taken over their little bodies amidst an exorcism.

However, I do think that this will appear much more embarassing when a 75 year old woman dramatically throws herself on the tiles in a random aisle of the grocery store, so this one might be worth it in the long run.

4. Little "Eccentricities".

Ok, so the kids are just freaking weird, but it sounds nicer that way. Seriously though, some of their behaviors are just baffling.
"Noooo, don't drink the bath water. Yuck!"
"Food goes in your mouth, it's for your belly, not for putting in your hair..."
"Get that out of your nose!"
"What did you just swallow?!"
"Where is your diaper!?"
Just moments ago: "Where did you get a candy cane? Out of the trash!?" "Yah. ::chomp chomp::" "Ah no! We don't eat food out of the trash. Gross!"

The best one so far? When Aidy walked up behind me yesterday as I sat at the dinner table and began playing with my hair. She then proceeded to say something along the lines of, "Good scissors. So pretty. Mommy haircut."

Daddy thought my reaction to that was ohsofunny.

Again... imagine how fun all this will be to repay in 45 years. All of the above situations apply.

5. The Constant Talking.

Not so much the little one, but the 2 1/2 year old is gabbing from (before) sun up until (after) sun down. It's especially annoying when the little one manages to sleep through her sister's awakening and creeping down the hall to my room, sneaking in the door, and standing with her nose 2 inches from my face. As soon as my eyes unwillingly crack open, "HI MOMMY! Go downstairs!? Blah blah blah blah blah!" At full volume. Of course.

"Aidy! Be quiet! Kinny is sleeping!"
"YAH! KINNY SLEEPING!"
"Shhh!"
"YAH! GO DOWNSTAIRS MOM!? AIDY WANTS CHOCOMILK???"
"Aidynn, yes, ok, downstairs! Now, please. be. quiet.! You're going to wake up your sister!"
"HAVE CHOCOMILK MOM!? GO DOWNSTAIRS?"

Aaaaaaaand from the other room you hear: "Mommy? Hiieeeee!"

Gramma might not be able to talk as much as a 2 year old, but I'm sure that I can buy a stereo system with enough decibels to play music from my generation at all hours to keep up with the best of 'em. Lord knows there's some terrible music so far in this generation.

I'm open to suggestions for the beginning of a playlist. : )