Frustration

I feel like I am going to go crazy. I feel depressed. I feel like a terrible mother.

My daughter - normally the picture of the perfect baby - is going through separation anxiety because her Daddy left again.

Don't get me wrong, I completely sympathize with her. If I could get away with it, I am sure I would do nothing but cry and scream until someone I loved relentlessly gave me their undivided attention and love. Problem is, he's gone.... and that isn't an option for me. Trust me, it's still tempting.

Since Friday night, Aidynn has cried so much. She has to be able to see me at all times and 90% of that time I have to be holding her. She has fallen asleep in my arms at least a dozen times this weekend.... she never sleeps in anyones arms. She refused to sleep in her bed for half of Friday night.... and last night she wouldn't even let me put her in her crib without screaming like she was dying. She slept with me the entire night.... sideways... with her head in my mid-back.

Right now, I have music playing on the computer to try and drown out the sounds of her screaming for me to come pick her up. It's nearly an hour past her bedtime... I know she is tired... I know she needs sleep, and will immediately fall asleep if I take her to bed with me.

::sigh::

This on top of pregnancy hormones and some other issues I am dealing with by myself.... I am tired of being so fucking sad... and I want my baby to be happy again too.