My baby

My baby girl fell asleep in my arms tonight.

As she sat on my lap, she laid her head peacefully against my chest. She sucked on two of her fingers for comfort - as she always does.

She is so beautiful to me. As I looked down at her I stroked her hair behind her ear, and I told her how much I love her, and how much her Daddy loves her.

I told her how very special she was to us, and how long I have waited for her to come into my life.

I spoke to her of the day she was born, and how she cried until she was placed in her Daddy's arms.... how proud he looked, and how she tasted the air and was so curious of her surroundings.

I laughed. Then I cried.

But she didn't notice... she was fast asleep in my arms as I rocked her.

Yesterday, I heard a man in my apartment complex yell, and then a baby begin to cry as I was carrying Aidynn to the car to go do our laundry. It made me hold her a little closer, and kiss her one time more than I normally do before I put her in her seat. My heart broke for that little baby, while at the same time I was so thankful for my Aidynn.

I haven't blogged about her achievements for a while, and there have been so many. I noticed while I held her this evening. My life seems to be spinning, and pregnancy hormones in tow, at times seems out of control. I have been focusing too much on things that do not matter, and I have nothing to blame but my own neurosis. I want to try and change that. I have been so lost in my own sadness and missing my husband, that I spend most of my time emotionally distant from my daughter. That's not alright. She and I miss him together.

So, from now on, I think I need to pay a little more attention to my life as it's passing me by. I need to focus more on my daughter, and remember to not only appreciate, but tell her how happy she makes me, and how wonderful, and smart, and beautiful, and blessed she is. I have to remind myself that the bills and dishes and laundry and internet will all wait... but my baby is growing up, and this little girl with her toothy grin and cackling laugh won't be around much longer. Even sooner than I can believe it will never be just the two of us again - we will have her sister, and Daddy will be home.

I know that it will break my heart, but there will come a time when she won't cry to sit on my lap; she won't quietly rest her head so peacefully against my chest; and she won't look at me with eyes that hold nothing but adoration.

So maybe, the stress of the last week has been a blessing in disguise. My daughter has been so sad without her Daddy that she clung to me and reminded me of how much she loves me. What's even more important? She clung to me and helped to remind me of just how very much I love her.