Sometimes....

I can admit that when it comes to rational thought and a logical approach to situations, I think that I have a better handle on it than most. I rely on my own opinions and thoughts for almost everything. I rarely seek help from anyone if I have a problem. I almost always turn inward.

Today I was talking to my husband about some insecurities that I have (yes, even I have insecurities) and how I feel that I need to work on them. I told him that I felt my self esteem had fallen.

He said to me that I am still a very strong woman and that it is only when he and my daughters are concerned that I second guess myself.

It was like a light went off in my head:

I am afraid of losing my family.

I was nearly speechless. How could he know me better than I know myself? He was right. How is someone more perceptive and wise than I am... and about myself!?

I know where these insecurities stem from; experiences from my own childhood and the inconsistencies and lack of security that it was made of. I don't talk about it, I don't like to, those memories are in the past where they belong. I focus on the present and the future, but it seems that even though they aren't at the front of my mind.... the reasons for my perceptions and the fears I have are influenced by those experiences.

I live with the lingering worry of some facet of this happiness I have... might be more of an illusion. I am happier than I have ever been. I don't want that to change. I know that to do what is best for my family, and for myself, some of those ghosts from my past might have to come out.

I am thankful that I won't have to face them alone, I have someone who loves me who will be patient and understanding each step of the way.