Parental Rantings

Everyday when I wake up in the morning I make the decision to be the person I would like to see my children to grown up to be. By no means am I saying that I am perfect. I make mistakes, everyone does, and I occasionally do things in retrospect that I find myself examining and saying "Why did you do that?" I fully expect them to make their own mistakes as they grow – some big, some not so big. If they don't learn from them, or question why they made them in the first place, that is where I will consider myself to have failed.

I live one life. I am myself, always. I have no plans to edit myself for content around my children. (Which is also why I have made the conscious effort to modify my use of profanity – because I believe it is unnecessary, and generally used in excess by those who are unable to articulate their feelings maturely) Why would I want to deceive them into thinking that I am someone that I am not? I would never do anything that the people I care about, and who care about me wouldn't be proud of. I will always put my children first. My friend Des models this style of parenting brilliantly. She displays at all times that there is no question or hesitation if her children are involved. Their needs and happiness come first no matter what. I adore her for that. In turn, she has two of the most intelligent and well adjusted children I have ever known.

I know that no matter what kind of people Duane and I are, our children will love us and look up to us in all situations as they grow up. As parents, being a role model is not an option, it is an obligation. It is our choice to be people that we want our kids to know. Deciding what to shield children from always has a grey area, but sometimes it's beyond control and it can't be avoided that they will experience the negative aspects in the world – especially if it is in your own home. Their eyes and ears catch all of the things you might not think they would – even those that aren't spoken. In situations that they may not understand children will always remember how things made them feel.

Stop and think about memories from your childhood. Usually your mind will bring forward pictures, people, events…. if you stop to question it… you will remember how you felt at each and every one of those memories, and even more, how you feel about them now.

I know many parents, who think of parenting like a job. When you go to work you have your business demeanor ready in hand to hand out to those who you don't know on a personal level. I also know other parents, who I choose not to associate with, who are so self-absorbed in finding their own identities outside of their family life and away from their children that they forget that they have responsibilities to attend to. I am not either of those types of parents.

I am so sick of hearing, "You have to make time for yourself." Or "Sometimes you have to put yourself first." Or the ever popular, "If you don't do what makes you happy, how do you expect your children to be happy?" Each of these is nothing more than a self-assuring mantra to cover up guilt over not doing what is best for the children involved – generally uttered by co-dependant and bored stay at home housewives who are ignorant of how to lead a fulfilling life on their own. If you weren't happy enough with yourself and your life before you had children, perhaps you shouldn't have made the decision to have them. However, women are generally stupid in thinking that having a baby will fill some emotional void that they blame someone else in their life for. Usually these phrases come from the mouths of those same parents that drop their kids with a babysitter way too often, and generally display a multitude of self-destructive behavior including excessive drinking, drug use, and infidelity in relationships. These are generally also the parents who would interpret random acts by their children (as seen on TV) to be an example of their "good" parenting and not actually their attempt to redirect their parent's attention. What I have never understood, is why parents like this follow the mentality that in order for self-improvement to be made within themselves, it can only be done while sacrificing something else – usually on the part of their children. Isn't that counter-active? I certainly know that I wouldn't be a happier person knowing that I am taking something from my children.

Have we really reached a point in society when the best interest of children comes second to their parents? We seem to be in a "pampered generation", where the pursuit of individual happiness is all encompassing, and at all costs. Looking out for number one, and taking advantage of every opportunity to simplify personal tasks in life seems to be the societal norm.

Sure, you could leave the kid(s) in daycare for a few more hours to run your errands more easily….

You could allow your child to neglect his homework and studies until he gets to the point where he falls behind…

You could spend your evenings in front of the computer or television instead of playing games or reading books with your children….

You could spend that extra $50 on something nice for yourself instead of putting it in a savings account for your children's education….

And along the way where do your kids learn about how a household runs, how to value your independent time, and how important responsible financing is? They don't!

But they would notice that their parent doesn't take them to different places when they could, that education isn't that important and falling behind has no consequence, that droning out the world is an acceptable means of quality time, and that appearances are much more important than planning for the future.

Unsurprisingly enough, the number of divorced parents raising children in two separate environments with different sets of moral principles, rules, and responsibilities is at the highest level it has ever been. I don't know a single instance of a family like this getting along. Even if one side makes attempts to appease the other and offer some sort of compromise, the other side usually views it as a threat and proceeds to retaliate in their own ways.

Fortunately I believe that the number of kids placed in these situations will be going down in the future.

Duane and I had a conversation yesterday that questioned why so few of our friends have children. I brought up the point that I had noticed it isn't just our friends, it's the majority of our entire generation. We are the generation of the individuals where each person is striving to be an original in a world full of originality. (How ironic!) Maybe that's good. We didn't end at an opinion on the lack of children our friends have. We did agree that the argument of "waiting until the right time" to have children is ridiculous. No matter what your status or situation in life, having children will change it.

I guess what I am trying to say, is how disappointed I am with most of the parents of our generation. The 25-35 year olds who currently have children and behave as indicated above. Not all of the parents that I know are like this, but I have met more than enough that are, to leave me with no questions as to why children today have more and more problems.