What to do... What to do...

This morning I had a conversation with the manager of the store Cell Energy owns in Redding - again. He has been trying to convince me to come and work with him for the last year now. He needs someone responsible, reliable, educated, and (dare I say) intelligent to help him manage the business and expand his solar distribution and sales. He's a nice guy, and a long time friend of my grandfathers. He can teach me more about the solar field, which is something that I have wanted to learn, but no one here is informed enough to instruct me. I am fairly sure that my boss here wouldn't like to see me go, but would be happy that I would be staying with the company.

But move back to Redding?

I am not a city living person. I find it overwhelming and daunting. I don't like crowded places and am a self-proclaimed "socially selective" person. I have always known this. I moved to Sacramento for love and to escape the monotony of what had been my life for 20 years. I needed to prove to myself that I could make it on my own - and without a safety net. After a year has passed, I look at all that I have accomplished for myself, through so many changes, and I feel so much better about myself as a person.

So maybe that's why I am now considering moving back. It would be a choice to be there, and not because I felt I have no other choices. Or maybe I did what I set out to do and now I need to establish some new goals. I would make more money, and the cost of living would be less.

Aidynn would grow up around her family. I have a very close and very large family, and most of them live in the Redding area. The idea of her growing up and not knowing her great-grandparents like I did when I was a child is something that has made me sad since the day she was born.

I do miss certain aspects of Redding. My family and closest friends are there. I know the area well because it's where I grew up. The housing market isn't as disgustingly over priced as it is down here, the houses are larger and much nicer, and recently I have been giving serious thought to our plans for purchasing our own house. I know Redding is a great place to raise kids, and I really think that our kids would have a more peaceful and stable upbringing in a smaller area.

There are downsides to moving back as well. Among them are the change in job description and being further away from state university campus for Duane - even though there are other paths that he has chosen to take towards his career of choice. My job description would be more "hands on" as well.  Less time behind a desk, and more time outside the office. I'm afraid of it. There, I said it. It's new! I am always hesitant and wary of change.... always have been.

Maybe that's the next challenge for me. If I have proven anything over the last year, it's that I have the ability to do anything that I set my mind to, and that's a powerful realization for me. I think that fueled by the idea of doing what I believe is best for my daughter, and the support of a man who inspires me to be myself above all else, I just need to have a little more faith and trust in ME and stop being so cautious and apprehensive.

It seems to appear that I have already made up my mind about what I want.

Who knows what will happen in the future? I know that my family and I will be happy, and who knows what the future may bring if I alter my course, I've surprised myself before.....