1 x 365

July 1989
"Krissy? Krissy wake up...."

An 8 year old girl awoke to the sound of her mothers voice with heavy eyes. It was still so dark. Immediately she wondered what she had done wrong - or hadn't done - that would be cause for mother to awaken her so late. Did she forget to do the dishes? Did she not clean her room properly? Did her brother blame her for something else he had done?

Panic set in and it helped shake off the sleep.

"Kristin and Dustin are coming over, you need to wake up." said mother coldly as the child stood from her bed without saying a word.

They walked slowly down the hall to the living area where 2 her 5 siblings and father were all sitting quietly.... the television wasn't on.

No one was talking.

But the television was always on.

The girl found her voice, looked up at her mother and quietly asked, "What's wrong?"

There was sadness in her mothers eyes as she began to speak....
"Kristin's Daddy was on a plane coming back from Colorado tonight, and a few hours ago it crashed. No one on the plane survived honey. So your friend is really going to need you tonight. She is going to be very sad and nothing you will say can make her feel better, but she really needs a friend right now. She and Dustin are going to stay with us for a few days, and then they are going to be moving to Colorado to be with the rest of their family."

Krissy's only response was, "Ok." but she thought simply to herself....

"Kristin is leaving?"

*****

The drive was its own eternity. It was 50 miles, but in the sweltering July sun, in a station wagon crowded with 5 children and no air conditioning, it may as well have been 5000. It was humid and sticky and Krissy decided that it was a bad day for her decision to wear pants.

The old shocks magnified every inch of gravel as the car pulled into the long driveway. They had been best friends for over a year, but it was the first time Krissy had been to Kristin's house. Their fathers worked together - or at least they had. From the moment the girls met they were inseparable. Kristin was nearly 2 years older, but the age difference was never noticed. Krissy was fascinated by her. Kristin showed affection to her with hugs and playfulness - something that Krissy didn't understand at first. Kristin taught Krissy how to crochet and how to bake cookies. In return, Krissy taught Kristin fairytales that she knew and how to draw cute little mice. They laughed together. They played together. Krissy rarely played before Kristin came along. She had barely known how. She preferred to hide from the world, staying out of focus, and the only place she could do that was inside her own head.

The house was deep brown and sat on 10 acres of dry tall grasses and oak trees. Krissy stepped from the car. The air smelled like dry dirt. She noticed the land beneath her dirty white tennis shoes was riddled with deep cracks as if it hadn't seen rain for years.

There was a tire swing hanging over a muddy puddle, where someone had left the hose running. There was an empty chicken coop, but there were chickens all around it pecking at the ground. She wondered if they had escaped or had been set free intentionally.

Kristin came running from the house smiling - and there was another girl with her. Her cousin. Her family had come to help finish the move. They would be leaving that afternoon - all of them.

Krissy stayed outside all day and kept to herself. She sat under an oak tree and watched the chickens run as her brothers chased them. She watched Dustin play in the mud on the tire swing. She watched Kristin and her cousin braid her sisters hair and play with dolls; she declined whenever Kristin would ask her to join them.

Krissy didn't like that she would be sharing Kristin's attention. She barely talked to her that day.

Krissy decided to keep to herself. She spent most of her time in her own mind, and was content to be left alone there.

The sky had begun to turn orange and red when Krissy's mother stepped outside and called that it was time to go. Krissy helped gather her siblings into the car, made sure they all had their seat belts. She stood at the rear bumper, staring at the ground, waiting for her mother when Kristin approached her.

"Hey."

Krissy looked up when she heard her friend speak and saw tears on her face. They formed lines down her cheeks - through the dirt of the days play.

"I'm sorry that you're mad at me. I don't know why. I love you.... can you at least say something?"

Krissy couldn't speak. There was a weight on her chest where her heart was. Even if she could, she had no idea what she should say, so she just looked at her friend as she cried, knowing it was the last time she would ever see her.

"Can I have a hug?" Kristin choked on her tears, and didn't wait for an answer before pulling her friend closer and hugging her tighter and longer than ever before. Krissy returned the hug, and then walked to the car and climbed into the very back. She turned around to stare out the window at her friend as her mother began driving away.

"Nooo!" screamed Krissy - surprising even herself. The weight on her heart lifted and the sobbing overwhelmed her. It was the first time she had cried in a very long time. "Mom, we.... can't.... let... her go! You have to stop the car."

"I know baby, but I can't do that. We have to go. It'll be ok. You will see her again someday."

Krissy knew her mother was lying and she watched her friend get smaller and knew she would disappear soon. All she could do is watch it happen and cry.

"But... I love her....."

*****

I never saw Kristin again, but I think about her often.
She taught me how to be a friend.