Enough Already!: A Pregnancy Rant

When I went in for my appointment this morning with the WHNP (Women's Health Nurse Practitioner) for my Ob/Gyn, I was hoping that things would go better than they did the last time. English is not her first language and not only is it difficult to understand her, but half the time I couldn't tell if she was ignoring what I was saying, or she didn't understand my words whenever I would try and tell her something she wasn't talking to me about first. This is the same woman who said to me "F'joo carrre 'bout bay-bee joo arrre carr-ink, joo vill stope brrreaast-feedink immeeeditly." during an exam.

I was angry that she would say that to me. Especially as I had told her of the fact that I was breastfeeding not 10 minutes prior and she had said nothing to the matter. I had done my research into breastfeeding during pregnancy and I knew that she was expressing a personal opinion and not advice based on medical or scientific evidence from studies.

Unfortunately things did not go better this time.

I peed in a cup, the assistant took my weight and blood pressure, and then I waited 10 minutes to see the WHNP. She measured my fundal height (height of my uterus), checked baby's heartbeat, told me I needed an ultrasound this week and should have had one 3 weeks ago as if it was my fault one hadn't been performed already, and then told me I was gaining too much weight. In 3 minutes. That's it. Then she sent me out to make an appointment for an ultrasound which they couldn't schedule because the doctor was on vacation for the next 3 weeks. But they were unwilling to send me to an outside Ultrasound Lab because they would lose that money from the insurance company. I had to ask what the problem was after standing there listening to 2 receptionists talk it over for 10 minutes to find out that much. It was due to their "policies" of using only their doctors (who take 3 week vacations in the middle of their patients pregnancies!) that I couldn't have one sooner.

Uhm... excuse me? Do I get a say in anything?? Hello? I'm here! Remember?? I'M the PREGNANT one! This is MY body! It's MY baby!! I felt like screaming.

I also told the doctor at my last visit 3 months ago that I was concerned about the amount of weight I was gaining so early in the pregnancy. I mentioned again the insulin resistance. All he had to say was "Go for walks". Easier said than done when one can't move without back spasms and feeling like their insides are ripping apart. I voiced that concern too, and his response was an arrogant change of subject to genetic testing that I wanted, but he didn't want to order for me because it would "cost too much money". Of course that was a 3 minute appointment too, at which the end he didn't even say anything, but just walked out of the room. I got the distinct impression that he felt I was wasting his time.

My eating habits have not changed. Having been through this twice before, so recently might I add, I would notice if there was a difference in my lifestyle then and now. Yet, I am 21 weeks pregnant and I have gained 20.5 pounds. My last 2 pregnancies I gained 35 total (carried to 38 weeks and then 41 weeks 5 days) with each and lost all but 5 pounds within weeks of delivery.

Not once have I had anyone at that office ask me how I was feeling. Am I unreasonably uncomfortable? Having any problems? Concerns? Offer helpful advice on nutrition for how I might stop gaining weight so quickly, or even run lab tests to find out if there may be metabolic issues considering I did tell them I was diagnosed with PCOS and Insulin Resistance in 2001. When I have spoken up out of turn about these things, I have been ignored. Except for when the WHNP had the nerve to tell me that after I spent THOUSANDS of dollars for one of the top reproductive endocrinologists in the country, who has published several books on the subjects of infertility and PCOS which I battled for 12 years before getting pregnant, that I "must have been misdiagnosed". Well I am sure her opinion is more valuable than his lab tests and multiple doctorates... right?

Do I have any say in my care at all? Unfortunately I believe that right now the answer is a resounding "NO". This office doesn't have the time to allow me to have a say in my health care.

That's not ok with me. This is my third pregnancy, and the second doctor, that I have seen from which I have received the same treatment and attitude. I'm done with Dr Gods and their ignorant sheep staff.

The first Ob/Gyn delivered Big Sis and Little Sis. With Big Sis, the doctor induced me with Oxytocin... without telling me she was doing so or giving me an option on whether I wanted to have a baby that day or continue having a natural, normal childbirth since I was only 38 weeks. She broke my water to speed up my labor. I was forced to stay in an uncomfortable hospital bed for more than 30 hours tangled up in wires and cables and only laying on my back. The hospital staff wouldn't allow me to eat or drink anything even though I was very hungry and thirsty. The doctor performed an episiotomy without my consent, even though I had voiced to her that I didn't want one. I had no idea what was going on. Being my first labor and delivery, so how would I know any different? It seemed like everything that I asked though was disregarded and what I did or didn't want meant nothing. My recovery was horrible.

With Little Sis, I had to see the same doctor as Big Sis thanks to my insurance company. I decided that I would make things different. I didn't want to be induced again and that I made that very, very clear not only verbally, but by not stepping a foot in the doctors office after 38 weeks. I only went to the appointments that I felt were necessary. I allowed showed up for the lab tests that I thought were necessary. I did my own research. Pregnancy and delivery was surprisingly easier when I wasn't stressed out about doing what someone else told me to. I didn't go to the hospital until my contractions were 3 minutes apart. By the time I got there I was in excruciating pain. The nurse who kept checking my dilation, effacement, and baby's positioning (repeatedly as if they were going to change from complete and ready to deliver) was rude and ignored everything that I told her. Fortunately there was no time for her to hook me up to machines and an IV. That didn't stop her from being overly invasive. I finally screamed at her to remove her hand. When the doctor arrived she immediately told me that it "doesn't hurt" that badly before she had even examined me to discover that I was having back labor and she hadn't been informed that my labor had gone from nothing to ready to deliver in less than 2 hours. When I could tell that Little Sis was ready to be born my body told me what to do. Then the doctor told me to wait, because she wasn't ready because she hadn't finished setting up her surgical tools. I listened to my body instead, and delivered a healthy little girl. I also experienced a recovery infinitely easier than the first. I was up, walking around, and feeling great less then 30 minutes after delivering my baby!

EVERY negative experience I have had with my pregnancies is because of a doctor or their assistants.
EVERY problem or concern that I have had has been ignored because someone else deemed it wasn't worth their time.
EVERY time I think about the birth of my girls there is a little bit of sadness because of the invasion of my personal experiences.

I'm done with it. I won't accept the same for this baby. So, I'm changing my care provider to a Midwife and a Doula. My first appointment is Thursday.

This wasn't an easy decision for me to make. I am the oldest of 6 kids, so I was around a lot of babies being born. "Babies are born in hospitals and delivered by a doctor." "If there is no hospital and no doctor, something bad will happen to the baby." These were things I believed because I had been taught to believe them by ignorant people. Along with these beliefs came the belief that childbirth was not a natural process, and labor and delivery was something to be afraid of because of the pain. Pain medication was mandatory.

So many women think they have to put up with the same thing that I have, because they believe the same things that I did, or they don't know there are other options.

Childbirth is natural. Babies were being born for thousands of years without doctors and they will be born for thousands more even if there were no more doctors to deliver them. There is a time and a place for medical intervention, and that should only be when the life of the mother or child is at risk.

I'm done letting someone who doesn't care ABOUT me and my beliefs, "care" FOR me and my baby.