Most everything that I do, I do with intention. Despite what my husband may believe (or has convinced himself), I do make mistakes and I have hurt people unintentionally in the past. When these things have happened, and I was sincerely remorseful, I apologized. I have never had too much pride when it comes to admitting that I made a mistake, but...
If I am not sorry, I will not apologize.
Words are nothing without sincerity.
Does that make me heartless; to knowingly have hurt someones feelings and not apologize for it? Maybe. Then again... perhaps it is simply a difference of opinion and I consider the other party to have been oversensitive to the subject. Maybe I was just being a bitch. (It happens!) Like most things in life it all comes down to a matter of personal perspective.
An argument that I went over in my head earlier today was that apologies and forgiveness are both simply for justification of action and selfish purpose for both parties involved - even if they are meant with sincerity. There is benefit for the person who offers the apology in relieving guilt, and there is benefit for the acceptor in forgiveness in releasing anger and resentment. How very self serving for both, right?
I believe this is where the difference lies.
When there is love behind the remorse and regret offered in an apology, there is no forgiveness expected - the apology would still stand without it. When forgiveness is granted in love, there was no apology necessary - the forgiveness would have been given regardless. Both offerings come with the desire on both parts to see the other person happy - even if it means to place the other before themselves.
It becomes a dance - a social ritual - of love. A demonstration of accepting the other person, be it lover, friend, child, parent, whomever, as they are and acknowledging the fact that everyone makes mistakes in life and we are able to accept - and love - that person as they are and sometimes in spite of them.
When I am wrong, I will never apologize unless I am sincere. I will never apologize with less than love behind my words.
Even if it is as simple as....
"I am sorry you aren't feeling well." - I truly AM sorry and I offer my apology with love and hope that you will feel better.
"I am sorry that you are having a difficult time right now." - I have sympathy for your circumstances and I offer love and my friendship if they will help you at all.
"I am sorry that you cannot see things the way that I do." - I can accept that we have a difference of opinion and through love I can accept you as you are.
Sometimes apologies and forgiveness become less about the actions and the words, and more about what can't be seen or spoken. Either without love, can hardly compare.
Does that make me heartless; to knowingly have hurt someones feelings and not apologize for it? Maybe. Then again... perhaps it is simply a difference of opinion and I consider the other party to have been oversensitive to the subject. Maybe I was just being a bitch. (It happens!) Like most things in life it all comes down to a matter of personal perspective.
An argument that I went over in my head earlier today was that apologies and forgiveness are both simply for justification of action and selfish purpose for both parties involved - even if they are meant with sincerity. There is benefit for the person who offers the apology in relieving guilt, and there is benefit for the acceptor in forgiveness in releasing anger and resentment. How very self serving for both, right?
What about love?
I believe this is where the difference lies.
When there is love behind the remorse and regret offered in an apology, there is no forgiveness expected - the apology would still stand without it. When forgiveness is granted in love, there was no apology necessary - the forgiveness would have been given regardless. Both offerings come with the desire on both parts to see the other person happy - even if it means to place the other before themselves.
It becomes a dance - a social ritual - of love. A demonstration of accepting the other person, be it lover, friend, child, parent, whomever, as they are and acknowledging the fact that everyone makes mistakes in life and we are able to accept - and love - that person as they are and sometimes in spite of them.
When I am wrong, I will never apologize unless I am sincere. I will never apologize with less than love behind my words.
Even if it is as simple as....
"I am sorry you aren't feeling well." - I truly AM sorry and I offer my apology with love and hope that you will feel better.
"I am sorry that you are having a difficult time right now." - I have sympathy for your circumstances and I offer love and my friendship if they will help you at all.
"I am sorry that you cannot see things the way that I do." - I can accept that we have a difference of opinion and through love I can accept you as you are.
Sometimes apologies and forgiveness become less about the actions and the words, and more about what can't be seen or spoken. Either without love, can hardly compare.
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