Resignation

I have resigned to the fact that Duane will not be home for Kindles birth. This weekend I am putting a lot of thought into what I will do instead. I haven't quite gotten the who's, whats, whens, whys, and hows situated, but I do have an idea. I know that I need a support system, and my friends and family are wonderful - but they are in Redding.

So what do I do? I'm going to Redding to have this baby. My maternity leave will begin on August 15 and I will go be with people who I love and who will help me get through this.

I feel a lot less stressed having accepted this. I still don't like the situation, but it is outside of my control.

Duane and I also talked about something else important yesterday.

I don't want memories of my last pregnancy to be like this. I haven't had the time or the ability to appreciate it. I felt much closer with Aidynn at this point than I do now with Kindle. My husband has missed nearly this entire pregnancy and he will just barely miss her birth. His graduation date from AIT is September 18. He should be home just in time to take care of her and Aidynn so that I can go back to work.

This was supposed to be our last child. We had agreed on two.

We both changed our minds.

So, instead of a permanent birth control, I am going to look into Merena - the 5 year IUD. In that time we will decide whether or not to have another baby.