Just call me Veruca Salt

I have been a real bitch to Duane this last week.

Last week was one of those weeks when every little thing that didn't go my way set me festering. Either these little things would make me catty, or I wouldn't say anything and they would gradually build until I was past the point of consolation. Unfortunately - with a 2 month old to care for - that left Duane as the primary target for my arsenal of tensions.

Example:
I got angry at Duane yesterday because he didn't do my laundry in the order that I would have preferred it be done. He didn't do it how I would have done it. I didn't tell him how I would have liked it done. I didn't ask him to do the darks first and then the lights. I didn't tell him that I was waiting for him to do the laundry because there was something in particular that I had wanted to wear that day. I just got angry when he didn't do it MY way - and he didn't read my mind to learn what way that was. Then I told him that he was being an asshole, slammed the door, locked myself in our room, and took a nap with Aidynn.

Yes, I know. I am a terrible, horrible, spoiled brat.

This man tolerates my every fault. He smiles at me when I rant. He hugs me when I am sad. He tells me he loves me when I am frustrated. He listens when I complain. He takes care of and loves our daughter every day our way, with our priorities in mind - I don't think anyone else possibly could. He cleans our entire apartment and (I have to admit) he even picks up after me. He cooks every meal for me (and even asks me what I would like). He packs me a lunch each day for work. He gets all of my stuff together for me in the morning so that I don't have to get up an extra hour before I have to leave. He takes Chase outside - every time. I notice - he never tells me no. Anything I ask, if he can, he does it/gets it/says it. If I am unhappy with something, he will try to fix it, or he will try to help me to fix it. He randomly gives me affection and attention just because. Not to mention he is an amazing lover and he can kiss me in a way that makes my mind go blank and my entire body relax and go numb. He makes me feel secure in us, there's no question of "if" we are going to stay together - I just feel that we will forever.

We do get along amazingly well most of the time, and I do know how good I have it. Sometimes I just get so wrapped up in my anxieties and stress that I don't stop my thought train before I take it all out on him. He endures even that - and so far has been quick to forgive me. Sometimes I don't show him the respect and appreciation he deserves. I do appreciate everything he does for me. Maybe I should practice showing that gratitude a little more instead of throwing my tantrums.

It wasn't meant to be, but I guess this letter had turned into sort of a public apology to him. Even though we have gotten along just fine since I woke up from my nap (he even finished all of the laundry for me) -

I am sorry babe.

You're amazing.

I love you.

*While I am clearing my conscience.... when I yelled Jesus-Fuck at you for throwing the soda out the window and getting it all over the car instead of pouring it out... sorry I yelled. ..