12 Days

"It is okay to be nervous. Just remember that the pain and effort is for a purpose and it was love that made it possible."

I found this quote earlier when I was thinking about labor and doing some research. After wanting Aidynn for so long, this pregnancy still doesn't quite seem real to me - like it's a condition where my belly moves on its own and got a different kind of "fat". To think that any day now it will change from what it is now, to a beautiful wiggly little baby girl I can see Duane holding in his arms... that is so far beyond amazing to me.

From the moment I knew I wanted to be a mother when I was a little girl, I knew I would love this baby - but I had no idea how much I would do for her before she was even here! I can't wait for her to see her Daddy's smile, to hear her laugh, to watch her sleep, for her to meet her family and friends that love her so much already, for her to experience how much love Duane and I have for each other and for her.... and at the same time I want to keep her in my belly all to myself forever.

It seems like the last 7 months since we found out she was coming went by so fast. I remember everything, from the EPT plus to the first ultrasound to her crossed little legs at 18 weeks. Now I feel little feet and can rub her back, and there's so much that only I know about her - secrets just between us.

I really am a lucky girl. I have so much to be thankful for. All of the pain that infertility caused me - pills, the doctors, the appointments, pills, needles, tests, hormones, tears, heartache, more pills, frustration - everything that I remember seems so far away, but I can still remember it. When I think about all of it now, I really feel that it just wasn't meant to be at that time. I couldn't imagine having children with anyone other than Duane. He's the most amazing person to me, and I love him now more than ever. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I have a man and a little girl that make up my entire world! In a way that is terrifying to me, but in another way I wouldn't have it any other way. I would do anything for them.

I have friends that are having fertility issues, and my heart breaks for them. I know there is nothing that I can say to make them feel better. I can listen, and I can understand, and I hope that it's enough. I love them, and at least I can help them by being someone who has really been in their shoes.