Doing what's best...

When I ask myself the question on what would be best for me, what would be best for Duane, and what would be best for Aidynn, the answers aren't all the same.

A year ago... if asked the same question hypothetically.... I know what my answer would be - no doubt. In a heartbeat, I would have done what I thought would be best for Aidynn. Now I'm not sure what that is.

I never stopped to consider what would have to be given up when I got pregnant.

I just don't think there is any way, to do what is best for everyone. For I think the first time, I can't fix it by myself. I don't know what to do. I just want to hand it all over to someone else and say "Here, can you fix this please?"

I have to work... but I can't afford daycare. Aside from that I don't want to put my newborn baby in daycare missing so much of her life already - but I have to... I have to work.

I want to go back to Redding. I have family there. I need them right now. I think I will have to go back there anyhow... and probably sooner than I thought I would. Everything is too expensive here... and add a baby on top of that.....

But where does that leave Duane? He'll have to leave school.... and it will set him back. I feel like I am ruining his life... and I have messed up his plans.... and I feel bad that I would never have made a different decision even if I had known....