10 Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman

Going through some older blogs of mine, I came across this little gem that I never posted written back in August. As I have friends who right now have recently given birth and friends that are expecting soon I thought I would share it.

Any woman who has felt the miracle of pregnancy will be able to relate to at least one of them.

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10. "You don't even look pregnant!"

Sooo.... I just look fat? There is bloating/swelling/expanding like you wouldn't believe and when my entire wardrobe became obsolete in a matter of a few months, being told that my ever-growing ass doesn't look like it has an excuse to do so isn't the best way to make my day, ya know?

9. "Are you sure it's not twins/triplets?"

As sure as any woman and her Obstetrician can be without a labor and delivery, but thanks for helping me feel like Shamu. Mmk, buh-bye.

8. "Wow, how long has it been since you shaved your legs!?"

The last time I tried to I nearly passed out in the shower from bending over for more than 5 seconds and the even more awesome part was that standing back into an upright position felt exactly like lifting a 30 pound sandbag with my spine. I'll shave my legs as soon as my vanity overshadows my will to live. And why are you checking out my legs?

7. "You shouldn't eat/drink that."

It's not your business what (or what quantity) I am eating, so shut your mouth before I share my sandwich with you by force. K? Thanks. (And then I will force you to make me a new sandwich because I am obviously very hungry.)

6. "You know you're over-reacting. It must be the hormones."

Regardless of whether or not it's true, most women get pretty offended when you call them crazy. Calling them crazy due to something beyond their control? Well... just prepare to defend yourself karate style.

5. "You can wait til we pull over to pee."

When a pregnant woman says she has to pee, she has to pee. Not in 10 minutes, not in a little while, and not whenever you feel like pulling over. The miniature person bouncing on her thimble sized bladder doesn't understand the word 'wait'. If you value your car upholstery you will make it happen. NOW.

4. "Are you ready to be a mom?"

Well, even if I wasn't it's a bit late now to change my mind donchathink? I don't think there is anyone who has ever been able to answer this question with an honest 'yes'.

3. "You waddle when you walk."

Yeah? And you're ugly.

2. "Do you want a girl or a boy?"

Well I really want a girl, but if it's a boy I figure that someone will trade me at the hospital. Seriously though. Healthy and Happy. It really is all that matters.

1. "You're still pregnant?"

Holy crap!! You're right!! And here at 41 weeks along and the inability to move my body without involuntary grunting you'd think I wouldn't be able to forget something like that huh?? Talk about pregnancy brain! ::laughs:: Could you do me a favor please and come here a sec? I need to slap you.