My baby...

My baby turned 1 year old today.

Now that she has gone to bed and this looong day is over, I was sitting here thinking about how happy I am to have been blessed to have her in my life. This last year has been... wonderful.

I had a conversation with my husband the other day, in which I was a nervous wreck. I broke down. Being a parent to an infant by yourself while trying to maintain a household and a full time job while keeping a smile on your face for the people you love is nearly impossible - even for me. Aidynn always has made smiling come a bit easier. Don't get me wrong, she has had the rare moments of being nearly intolerable. As the child of D and myself unsurprisingly she has inherited our stubbornness, our intelligence, and our impatience - makes for a not so fun infant at times! (Just as it makes for a not so fun D and K at times!)

While I was sobbing on the phone, D told me that cleaning the house doesn't matter so much - I needed to give myself a break - and things didn't always have to be perfect. I tried to tell him that for me they do! He knows this, but he still wouldn't get off my case. He kept on and on and on and I was beginning to get very irritated but I was too upset to say anything. After all, he was just saying what he thought and he was worried about me and the girls so how could I get mad at him? I listened, and I planned on doing what I do anyways after the conversation ended.

Something happened though. The past few weeks I have felt like I could be spending more time with my daughter. By the time dinner is made and the house is straightened and the day is done and I have time... my daughter is ready for bed, and I am too tired to play, and neither of us are very happy. So, I made the decision to listen to my husband. Not for MY benefit, but for Aidynns.

Turns out, the last few days, the house hasn't been as clean as I would like (and yes it gets on my nerves) but it isn't filthy - just "lived in". My daughter is happier, and not whining as much as she was before. We have played ball, we have taken more baths together, we have learned about bubbles and cows and chickens and so much more, and we have (very quickly!) learned to use a spoon all by ourselves! Ok, I knew how, but she's a newbie and it only took me showing her twice!

She walked to me today - unassisted. 8 steps.

Every little progress that she makes amazes me. I love seeing her turn into a little "person". It astounds me that this same little girl is the one that I felt flutter in my belly for the first time when I was 13 weeks pregnant with her. That little tickle has turned into..... my Aidynn!

We have these conversations with each other - she is completely incoherent and mixes her randomness like this, "Bob, Mama, Stop, Bok Bok Bok, Lirdle lirdle lirdle, Da!, Bah!, Dahdee... " and on and on. I still reply though and ask her how she feels about that, and what she plans on doing tomorrow, and how her day went... she very happily proceeds to inform me in her own mix of emotions and babble.

I LOVE that.

So all of these things that we have been doing more of - more play, more talk, more books - mean so much more to me than the dishes being done and the movies being on the shelf (because someone keeps pulling them down...) and the house being tidy. I can tell they mean so much more to her too... because she is so much happier now that she has more attention. I am noticing that I am so much happier too!

Seeing her happy... it's like nourishment for my heart.

My husband was right. I needed to take it easy on myself, but not just for myself. For my babies. Kindle needs rest more than she needs Aidynn's toys picked up, and Aidynn needs Mommy to read her a book more than she needs the furniture dusted. Just another example he has shown me of how great we are together and how wonderful he is to his family.

So much went wrong today. Just an example: I had to drop another $700 on car repair. But I'm not even upset about it! I am exhausted, and I am broke (*laughs*) but I am happy.

Tonight, we ate some KFC (cause mama wasn't cooking!) and we had some ice cream, then we took a bath and got all clean, we put on our jammies and sat on the floor and played ball - rolling several of them back and forth to one another for a good 20 minutes. We read a new book full of animal sounds (she was particularly fond of the pigs!) and we blew some bubbles that I like because they smell like fruit punch. We snuggled on the couch and then she had her own independent playtime for about 15 minutes.

Then, I saw that she was tired and I put her to bed at 7:45.

I kissed her and hugged her and I wished my great big 1 year old a happy birthday.

She didn't cry - she went straight to sleep.