I'm ok

Yesterday was a rough day. A really rough day.

All day I was so over-emotional, and kept having to leave the room so Aidynn wouldn't see me lose it. I would have to say it was the worst day so far since Duane left. I hadn't heard from him in almost 2 weeks. There is so much that we are unsure of because no one can provide us with straight answers regarding time and dates - I do know now that they extended the BCT units to 10 weeks without letting anyone know beforehand. The only thing we are sure of right now is that he will graduate Basic the beginning of April (if he passes all of his exams which is hard to train for being sick!). If he doesn't he will be held over until he does. After Basic he is supposed to go to AIT, but no one seems to know when the start date or graduation date for that will be. All we can do is wait and see. He is also very worried and stressed. He hasn't gotten the letter I wrote him about his grandmother yet... I wish there was a way to stop the mail and get it back. It is going to devastate him.

Duane called me yesterday afternoon. He wasn't supposed to, and he got into a bit of trouble for it, but to hear his voice for those 3 minutes was worth so much. He just knew that I needed him and said he had to call me. If there was ever a time I was sending out and emotional SOS to him, it was yesterday. To hear him say "I love you like crazy" and "I miss you so much" and "Kiss my babies for me" completely changed the emotions behind my tears.

This is the connection that he and I have. There is only one other person who I have ever had this intuitiveness with - my friend Des. Truly compatible souls that are in tune with each other and just know if the other needs them. I am lucky to have both of them to care so much for me. And my friend and roommate Lesa? I am almost at a loss for words at how awesome she is. After such a hard day yesterday, she comes home from work and brings me flowers, my favorite Ben and Jerrys, a very sweet card, and a much needed hug. Then she offered to make me dinner - cheese sandwiches. Cheese sandwich is an inside joke between Duane and I. "I cheese sandwich you" means "I love you". After watching the movie it came from (Love & Sex - a favorite of mine) I explained that to Lesa. She has really been a lifesaver since Duane left. I am so lucky and blessed to have her here with us, and Aidynn just adores her. These were taken last night when Lesa was dancing for her -

Aidynn puts her hands in her mouth when she gets excited. In every other pic she has her hands in her mouth. Not everyone can make her laugh like this.

The reason for Duane not contacting me for so long (I am sure you can imagine my rage before finding all of this out)? First of all, when he arrived at BCT he came down with Sinusitis and was off duty for 3 days, I knew this. He got better, and then a week later it came back with a vengeance, and it's friends infection and dehydration. So he has been in the med clinic and on light duties. What is crazy to me, is that Duane NEVER gets sick. It has to be the stress. On Sunday when he would finally have the opportunity to write me, some of the fucktards in his unit got into some trouble and, of course, everyone was held accountable for the actions of few. During the course of all of this he was promoted to squad leader. He doesn't like the extra responsibility as it takes more personal time from him, but I am proud of him for demonstrating the strong man that he is physically, in character, and in intelligence.

So, one day at a time. I can't allow myself to get so over-wrought with "what might be"'s and "possibly"'s. I have to remember that this situation is a choice for us. It is an excellent opportunity for Duane's future career. When it is all over and done our family will come out of it stronger and will never have to be apart again.

It also helps to know now that even if it will only for a few hours, in less than 2 months I will be able to give kisses to the man that I love at his graduation.

PDA's with my man in uniform!? HOOAH!