My Aidynn

My daughter is seven months old today. Can you believe that? She is so big. She growls and makes monster noises. She has two teeth to eat her Zwieback toast (as she is currently doing beside me). She loves it when Daddy and I sing to her. She squeals and laughs so much. She loves her kitties and Mommy's necklace. She can play with her toys all by herself. She dances and laughs when I dance with her. She loves applesauce and squash and ice cream - all seperately and all in moderation. She is the sweetest and happiest little girl I have ever known.

Daddy improvised her favorite song for her:

The itsy-bitsy Ninja went up the water spout
Down came the rain and washed the ninja out
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain
And the itsy-bitsy Ninja went up the spout again.

She has her moments, especially now that her personality is becoming more and more apparent. One moment she will intentionally test your patience by screaming continually at the top of her lungs and smile at you when you tell her to hush before the neighbors think we are beating her, and the next moment she will be quiet as can be until I blow her a kiss or ask her "what's wrong baby?" at which point she will burst into tears for no apparent reason.

Let me tell you, for those of my friends that don't have kids, when you hear someone talking about their child and describing how when your own children do come into your life - you would do anything for them, and you will fear for them constantly, and you will love them so much that you think your heart could explode at any moment - believe it. I know it's hard to believe that little people who will turn your world upside down and prevent you from having the time to do so many things that you loved before could be so much of a "blessing", but in so many ways it's more than just alright. It's better than you could imagine.

There have been times that I have unwillingly and randomly thought up the most ridiculous irrational "what if's" and wanted to do nothing else than to run to her and make sure she was safe and protected. I don't think it's so much a "mother's intuition" when something happens to their child and they say "I knew it! I had a feeling!" rather than you always have that feeling as a Mommy. Randomly waking in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep until I have made sure that she was safe, had enough covers, and is still breathing is not unfamiliar territory. What would I do without my baby girl? She is my Aidynn. My Grace. Irreplaceable and perfect to me in all of her own ways.

Recently she developed a new "look", it's the exact same look that her eldest brother Elijah gives when he is trying to figure out what you are saying to him or where you are coming from - out of the corner of her eye and sideways... like a sneer. The similarities between the two of them when she makes that face.... it's amazing. They both completely get it from their Daddy obviously, but when she looks at me that way... I feel bad that she will never know her brothers. I know it is best for her though, it protects her, and I feel obligated to protect her from the mistakes and insanity that other people have created in their own lives.

There is a point that I have heard before, and I wonder about it sometimes... Ever heard, "...and you will second guess yourself, constantly wondering if you are doing what is best for your child."?

No, actually, I don't. Every decision that I make that effects my daughters life I make for her. I work hard so that my daughter has the things that she needs. I spend time with her so that she has intellectual stimulation. I cuddle and tickle and play with her so that she knows I love her. Her father is a man that loves her more than I have ever seen a father love their child - the kind of man I always wanted as the father of my children. He has made so many sacrifices for her. We both have, and we both do everything that we can do for her. Always placing her needs before our own. I couldn't even imagine living my life any other way.

Long before I ever conceived Aidynn, I made a promise to myself not to follow the examples that were laid out for me in my childhood. I made a choice to learn from them and to do better, much better, for all of my future children. I am very proud of myself for keeping those promises.

There is still a long way to go. My family is new, and young, and in love with itself. It is beautiful.