Who I am

Everything that our life is now, Duane and I agree, we saw as our future before we even became pregnant. It may have been put on fast forward for a while, but we couldn't be happier with our life together. Just the way that we handle obstacles together - I never have to worry.

I knew Duane and I would have some changes to look towards in our life after Aidynn was born. We are there for each other and we communicate how we feel about things. It makes things all the more effortless when we don't even have to use words. We have the most mature relationship that I have ever known. We really love each other. He is the reason I believe in soul mates.

This week so far has been wonderful. Yes I am a little tired, but I know what I have and what it is worth to me. I have taken care of many newborns before, so I knew what to expect for the most part. I have never breastfed before (which is a wonderful experience! I can't see how any mother could NOT breastfeed if given the choice), so I had a bit to learn about that, but with a little patience with myself and infinite love I can now proudly say we have it down. I am proud of my first overcome hurdle as a "real" mom. Mid-night wakings don't phase me one bit - I miss seeing her face every time I close my eyes. I listened to the comments for the last nine months about how hard it would be, and how tired I would be - and I smiled and accepted each piece of advice graciously. Truth was - I've never been a mother to my own child before, so how was I to know how things would be?

I have been raising babies all my life. Not only babies, but children, and even teenagers! Ask either my parents. I have good relationships with both of them now, but that took a lot of time and forgiveness to establish. Neither of them will contest that I was a parent to my 5 siblings much more than I should have had to be. I also have been a nanny to 5 children for 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, ages 7, 5, 3, 2, and 6 months.

When I was first married at age 18, 2 of my brothers needed to be taken care of. They were 9 and 11 at the time. I was a full time mom for the first time to 2 pre-teen boys! I delegated chores, broke up arguements, read books, helped with homework, cooked meals, did more laundry than I care to remember *laughs*, and I enjoyed every moment with them. I have thought about the time I was lucky enough to spend with those 2 boys so many times over the last few years. Especially when I watched one of them welcome a baby into the world last year, and the other get married on Saturday. *Here come the tears*

The brother, David, that was married on Saturday, also lived with me on and off through his teenage years. That was fun. *little white lie*

The headline on my profile is a quote that I found a few weeks ago while looking for scrapbooking quotes. I completely agree with it. Completely.

"A good mother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart."

This doesn't mean that I think the mother should disregard the wants of her heart completely, but if it comes down to choice - the childs needs should always come first. I think that people who become defensive at this idea have some serious thinking to do about where their priorities lie, and what kind of parent they really are.

Over the last few months I came to the conclusion that I never want to lose who I am, and I'm really not concerned with it happening. I know exactly who I am. Life changes around a person, and in turn, that person changes along with it. It's how we learn and how we grow spiritually, but there are things that I know will never change in me;

I am a mother.
I am an excellent mother.
I always have been a mother, and I find joy and happiness in that. It is part of who I am.

I am also a good friend.
I am an awesome sister.
I am a loving daughter.
I am a lover of animals.
I am a good person.

There are so many things that define who I am that are simply impossible to change. These are those things that are so obviously apparent that anyone who knows anything about me can see them.

Taking care of my family and friends does take up a lot of my energy and effort. I LIKE that. They really are everything to me. I think that placing others before myself is one of my most redeeming qualities. I don't need anyone else to understand that.

I love who I am.

I love my life. I'm not worried about any of that changing now that I am a mom. I have always been a mom, and it will always be part of me. Life may become more hectic because of the responsibility of parenthood, but I've been there before and I know what to expect. If I lose my firm tummy and perky breasts and choose not to work to get them back - so be it! And if Duane loved me for those reasons alone he would be long gone by now! *laughs* The idea that I would mourn them is simply ridiculous to me considering the exchange.

Just LOOK at this baby girl!

I see how beautiful she is to others, but others will never see how beautiful she is to me. This love and adoration will never wear off and I will do it just by doing what I love to do!

I give you my word as a mother.