I didn't cry....

I didn't cry.

I think that despite the issue of whether or not anything was acheived that is quite an accomplishment. I don't like confrontation with authority when something I care about is at stake. I have a tendency to say what's on my mind (duh), but especially when under pressure, or when something is bothering me, and sometimes what is on my mind lacks a certain..... etiquette.

So... when I went upstairs to talk to my boss about a raise, I really wanted to run away and hide. The thought crossed my mind to say "What email?" or "I don't know what you're talking about."

I sat down and immediately started having a panic attack. I couldn't tell you what he first said because I seriously couldn't hear him over the mantra of "Be calm, breathe, be calm, breathe, be calm" I was chanting in my head.

I don't even know why, I am so nervous in situations like this! He is not an intimidating man. He is a very nice guy, and pretty soft spoken to match. I have never seen him angry, or been uncomfortable around him. He has always been very polite and considerate.

When my head shut up long enough for me to comprehend the English language again - "I got your email." "Everything you listed is right." and "You're one of the best employees I have ever had."

*Oh great... now I need to get my brain to work again.*

I had no idea how to respond to that. I can only imagine the look on my own face when I said "Wow. Thanks." 

So - he asked me how much I was thinking, and I told him. Then, after a lot of talk back and forth about what was going to happen over the next few months, how much the company was going to miss me when I had to go on maternity leave, how he was willing to give me as much time off as I needed, and could still use my help from home if I would be willing to do that, he said he had to talk to the other owner about it but he was sure they could work something out.

I said that I appreciated it, and if he would like to discuss the topic of salary with the other owner it was another option I was willing to consider.